cookieOptions = {...}; Kent Heartstrings: Why did you get married so YOUNG?

Why did you get married so YOUNG?

Wednesday, November 5, 2014




I have been asked this question a lot, or variations of this question. And really, I am always, always surprised by it and a little taken back. The social norm these days is to wait until you are more in your thirties to get married, and well since I got married in my early 20's. I guess that is why I was asked this question so many times, but all I can usually muster is some silly short response and a laugh. So I would like to take a moment and give you a well thought out response.....before we get into it, lets start with the specifics....



(our first date.....we both didn't really know this was a "date"...we were just "hanging out"....still waiting for the skittles to rain down from the sky)

Mike popped the question our spring semester of our senior year in college, after dating for  1 1/2 years. I was 22, Mike 24.
We set a date for 8 months down the road

(This picture was taken the day Mike proposed, we are enjoying the excitement with all our friends)

(Engagement Photos, we were setting a new trend of the matching white shirts and seersucker shorts, as opposed to the matching shirt and jean thing the was popular at the time, we were soooo cool ;) )



......fast forward to the big day, January 5, 2008....

Booyah! Married!

 Because everyone loves wedding pictures....

We are finally married. I was then 23, Mike 25. We were older and so much more the wiser ;)
Okay, now that the specifics are out of the way, lets get into it the good stuff....


I married young because.......

Timing:

I found "the one"! I can't take much credit for this, it just happened....there HE was.  I had always known I would marry young, do not know why, just did.  God just took care of me on this regard, it was in his plan for me to find my husband at a young age, and I am SO grateful. I really cannot imagine myself in the dating game right now, wow, what a jungle.




Sex:
We both were "waiting" for each other, meaning we were not going to have sex until everything was "official", in order, blessed by God...until death do us part.  We waited our whole lives for this, so another 8 months was not going to break us.....or was it. ha! Well, it was challenging for sure, but we believed in it enough, and leaned on God's grace to get us to that altar....unscathed =).  Praise be Jesus.

Okay, so the very popular option of "living together" was not an option for us, it is just not "us" and was not what we wanted, and also our formation in our faith too brought us to a great understanding of the value of waiting to have sex (or live with a person) until marriage and we truly wanted to live out our faith, because our faith is the most important thing to both of us....we valued some serious commitment up front before bearing our souls to one another, true vulnerability and trust. SOOOO pulling off a year+++ engagement just because we were young was not happening....I mean, come on now we are not saints here, we might be trying, but definitely not there yet ;)...




Money:
This topic is the easiest for us, but seems to be the biggest reason why people wait to get married. Money.
Plain and simple, it does not really matter to us.  I know it is said by many of the population to wait to get married until....

you have a job, or
wait until your career path is set out before you or
wait until you make xxx,xxx amount of money or
wait until you can afford to give her a ring that is worth 3 months of your salary pay, or 
wait until you can afford a house.....it goes on.

This was our reality...
Mike and I were poor college students when we got engaged (I have a beautiful, simple ring)
We were married when Mike did not even have a job and I was working as a youth minister at our church, We could afford to rent a tiny 500 sqft apartment and loved it!
We lived off of my salary, which if you are not familiar with "ministry" pay, its, well, pays off on the backend of things....hoping to get serious brownie points in heaven! (Mike did eventually get a job right after we got married, in the golf industry)

Here's the rub....we didn't care about those things. We had each other. Whatever the future held for us, we could tackle it TOGETHER....under one roof, fully committed to each other and our life, no matter how crazy- crazy got.




Wisdom/Experience:
I guess because I am fresh out of college and jumping right into getting married, I am either missing out on some experiences I could be having, or need to gain some kind of conventional wisdom from "life's experiences"...whatever that means.  6 years into our marriage I still do not understand this.

Something Mike and I have talked about at length is that we are so grateful we got married fresh out of college, because we were able to shape our lives right out of the shoot around US instead of "him" and "her" trying to fit together.

I feel like it is hard to be uprooted from your life when you have been used to living it as a single person for any length of time.  It makes for a hard adjustment into a marriage, shared life, when you both bring to the table experience and a way of life you are used to living, breaking that, and then building a new one is so hard.  Don't get me wrong, Mike and I still brought a lot of expectations to the table when we got married on how we want our lives to look like and take shape, but I feel it was just slightly less painful because we really had no "living on our own" experience after college.



All of this being said, I of course am not judging anyone of the choices they have made for themselves or the direction their lives have taken them. I am sharing from my heart, our own story of how we found each other and didn't let age stand in the way. We all have our own journey God leads us on, He has a perfect plan and it will always be good, we just need to listen, trust and walk with him.


Wedding Photo Credit: Tim Will Photography

Sharing with: Oak and Oats, Bloggers Digest

31 comments:

  1. You go girl! I was 22 when we got married, too. There's nothing wrong with it! It's just a longer time that you get to spend together. :)

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    1. More time! Absolutely Christine! We are so blessed!

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  2. YES. We just got married, I am 23 and my husband is 25. Everyone makes comments like but you're so... young! And I have ZERO problem with that for all the same reasons you explained above :)

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    1. Yes! Like its some kind of tragedy we are walking into at a young age, so sad. So happy for you, Cassie!

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  3. We were 21 and 22... Our view was that we got to go ahead and be married, so we could have longer to be together in our lives. Plus, the sex thing. That's just plain hard. Ha! We had no money... we lived in a tiny apartment. But we loved it!

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    1. So happy, you are happy about marrying young! Such a blessing....even if you start out with less, that too can be such a blessing!

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  4. Love this! We were 21 and 24. But it was great! And so far, God has always provided. I definitely think the sex thing is huge. It's just unrealistic for Christians (in a serious relationship, not single) to wait many YEARS to not have sex. and plus why wait! Paul says it's better to marry than to burn with passion. amen.

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    1. Haha. "burn with passion" amen to that. indeed.

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  5. Yay! My husband and I got married when we were 19 and the most common question I've had to answer is: no, we were not pregnant at the time. Young marriages seem to be so uncommon these days, but I wouldn't change a thing! I've loved "growing up" with my husband and I loved experiencing college life together.

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    1. Yes! Ioved "growing up" with my husband too! So happy for you Sarah!

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  6. I was much older when I got married (33) and honestly I wish at times I didn't have the opportunity to gain so much life "wisdom". I love my husband and our life together and I know God's timing was perfect...He continues to reveal this to us all the time. But there are times I do wish we had met sooner and married younger.

    I love this post, every reason you shared and I think people can learn a lot from it. When you are well formed and find the right person, nothing else really matters. You work on all the "tough stuff" together.

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    1. God knows what He is doing, and his timing is perfect Kellie! Yes, life is so much more fun and doable when you tackle the "tough stuff" together! Agreed.

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  7. I love your post and I love your wedding pictures. Especially that outside one with the white buildings (is that a lighthouse?) in the background. So gorgeous! I wish people didn't try to fit everyone else into their own version of "right' or "normal". Everyone's right moment is unique and I think it's lovely that you found yours when it was perfect for the two of you! -Amy

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    1. Thank you Amy! Everyone right moment is unique, you are so right...I am very happy with mine ;)

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  8. I love when I read something of yours and think "yes, yes, that's exactly what I was thinking" and today was one of those days! My husband and I were both 21 when we got married and I think it was the perfect time God had planned for us. We didn't have much money or some of the conveniences older couples too but we've learned so much by growing together in our marriage!

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    1. Hahaha, thats awesome Elizabeth, love it when that happens! Growing together in a marriage is the most important thing anyways! Happy for you!

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  9. Love your story! Love love your photos! And, love your reasons :) We were married at 25 (not young). Looking back, my husband always says he would have married me sooner if he knew better then. We had quite a journey to our wedding day, but I love our story for bringing us together :)

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    1. Aw, thanks Amanda! Every story of a marriage is perfect. Happy for you and yours ;) !!!

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  10. This is such a beautiful post. Very well written and explained! I would have loved to have found "the one" in college. I would never have thought twice about getting married right out of school. I didn't meet my husband until I was 25, but by some standards we did get married pretty quickly and pretty young. I was still 25 and we were only together eight months. My brother got married at 22 to his 21-year-old bride. I don't think they would ever change a thing!

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    1. Thank you Sarah! Yes, I count myself very lucky to have found Mike in college, but your story is perfect for you and I am happy you have found each other! Marriage Rocks!

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  11. <3 I love this!!! My husband and I were both 22 when we got married and wouldn't have it any other way! Now we're 25 and 26 and having our first baby - apparently according to some people we're too young for that.too. ;-)

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    1. Thanks Susannah! Oh my, yes! I could write a whole other post about having kids right away or having them at a young age, wow. Yes, the comments would also go on for days!

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  12. It's so interesting how different parts of the country (and world, really) have different norms of appropriate ages to get married. In the south, people start looking at you sideways if you aren't married by 25. So my sister is 30 and single and feels really out of place, she sometimes wishes she lived somewhere where the norms were different. Around these parts, early 20's is completely normal and kind of the "expected" age to get married. Interesting, right?
    Y'all are so precious and I love those engagement photos!

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    1. Jenna! Oh my, so fascinating! Your right, different areas vary different expectations or social norms. Here in California people either do not have their life put together yet because they are so laid back or unmotivated - or people are so career oriented and money driven they push back the whole marriage thing. Either side of the coin, there really should be no "norm" you find the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with- go for it!

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  13. Love this post. I know 27 is still "young" in some eyes, but I do wish I could have gotten married in my early twenties. I was just talking to my fiance about that tonight - how I just long for that companionship and building my own family. It doesn't feel natural to me anymore to be living on my own and thinking about work and myself - I just long for marriage so much. I'm so happy for you that God brought your husband into your life and that you have built such a beautiful life together!

    I am trying to get back into the blogging world, at least commenting and letting people know I read their stories and appreciate them!! Know that I read everything you write and absolutely love it. :)

    XOXO

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    1. Amy, you are always so sweet! I am so happy you pop in here! I totally understand what you mean about companionship, God knew I would thrive with constant companionship I am sure, thats why he put Mike in my life at such a young age....and I am oh so grateful! God knows what we need when we need it! XOXO

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  14. Love this post! Its right on. So glad you two found each other so young! :) -Diana

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  15. I don't care if people marry young as long as they have Christ at the center and are using wisdom in doing so. If it's right, it's right! I got married two weeks before I turned 30 and my husband was 24. It was the right time because I had found the right person. We had waited for all that marriage involved, too. :) I don't think it was harder getting married later on. I loved my season of singleness, but I was ready to become the Mrs.!

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  16. Yes, love it! We married young too, just turning 22 right before our wedding this past June. We had much support and affirmation from those around us and felt led in many of the same ways that you did. We had dated for three and a half years and knew each other since 8th grade. For us it was the right decision and I love when others simply understand.

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  17. We both married young for all of the same reasons! :) We were married less than a week after I graduated college. haha! It didn't even seem crazy at the time, it just seemed right. I couldn't have imagined waiting to get married just for the sake of waiting. We knew we wanted to get married, so why not do it right away? I definitely know what you mean about knowing you would get married young...For some reason I just knew I would too. The thought of being single for a long time after college just didn't even cross my mind. Loved this post!

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  18. Love this! We married young for a lot of the same reasons. We were 19!!! I just didn't understand waiting. We've been married for 11 years now and I feel like marrying young helped me grow up and become wiser than I would've been if I hadn't gotten married young.

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